Project 1YP

Author’s Note

When I decided to start this project about a year ago, I never thought I would be able to commit my time and complete it. After all, spending about at most half an hour a day for a whole year – and it is a leap year, so there is one more day than usual – to record the occurrences of that day and write a descriptive line for it seems strange and tedious. I assumed that I would have given up by around the 100th day, but thank the Lord He helped me to persevere to the end. I would not deny, though, that I would sometimes skip some days and accumulate them to be written down in one day, which was actually cheating. But, hey, the Lord gave me the ability to just memorize the events and feelings and lessons of a day, so in the end it’s fine.

By now you should be able to guess that 1Y must be the acronym for “1 Year”. And indeed, it is; 1YP stands for “1 Year Poet”. It all started when I challenged myself to record my life in an entire year. One line per day was my baby step before I could invest more of my time to reflect about what happened on that day. Looking back, journalling and preparing a sentence of a bigger poem daily was a good discipline for myself.

I also realised that doing this when I was 19 years old has an even greater significance. It is the last age count that starts with the number “1”. Beyond 19 years old is a completely uncharted territory I have yet to explore, and it is a kind of exploration that one has to take seriously. I will receive a bachelor degree in less than 2 years from now, and after graduation I may never have the time to do things as I freely as I want anymore. This makes a strong case for me to start writing down the lines.

So, here it is, my 366-lines poem, my Ebenezer – Hebrews for “stone of help – about how the Lord has been guiding and leading me throughout the past year, both in good and bad times, when I was a young, foolish, immature 19-year-old. As I cherish my early days of being 20 years old, I pray that the Lord uses Project 1YP to bless you also.

For He is everywhere, everywhen, at every second of your life. All you need to do to realise it is just to be still before His presence and start listening. And for me to do the latter, I have to record His voice in my writings.


For the ease of the reading, I have clustered the lines into months, hence each stanza will have either 30 or 31 lines (except for February 2016 that has only 29). Each line starts with the date of the writing and followed by that day’s poetic sentence.

November 2015

11 – Another year added that I surrender before the Lord.

12 – But, Father, with all my sins, am I worthy to be on board?

13 – O God, He who heals and wounds,

14 – I have my answer in Your gift today: friends.

15 – To join the Lord’s Supper is to take up the cross

16 – as one who embraces it, nothing counted as loss.

17 – O, that my actions do not pertain to the flesh!

18 – The Lord will put my heart, head, and love through His test,

19 – for the soul of a man is full of battles

20 – and the place where he should go only God knows.

21 – O, the sweet glimpses of my destination, as He brought me to joyful tears!

22 – A company of siblings in faith is better than a feast with fools,

23 – and blessed are a man and woman whose hearts He guards.

24 – We find joy in others’ companionship, but it is from His the joy originates.

25 – To trust in the Lord is to set a man’s path straight.

26 – A man’s heart may plan, but in the end it is His will that is done.

27 – For His thoughts are not mine, and for them to converge I must cling to Him.

28 – Jesus, Lord, without You my flesh would rot me into the bone.

29 – You foil my “good” plan that none shall be Yours that are great.

30 – Faith trusts God in all things, even when the joy seemingly fades.

December 2015

1 – A semester has ended, but the next’s prelude tomorrow starts.

2 – Offering all to the Lord as I rediscover His love that I lost.

3 – O, let my soul thirst only for You and Your presence!

4 – I enter again Your altar and throne, as a semester officially ends.

5 – Lord, help me to glorify Thee in my writing and script

6 – as You hold me close during these unexpected days of deprived sleep.

7 – Retreating back to my inner self as I reconsider my sacrifices before Him,

8 – and finding again the confidence and boldness in trusting Him.

9 – Father, thank You for humbling and teaching me again in the camp;

10 –  guide me, Lord, as You lead my thoughts and redeem my path as the Lamb.

11 – To write something not my own is the path I have to embrace,

12 – but after seeing how far we have reached, God is the one who enables.

13 – The third Advent week is the week of joy, to be satisfied in the Son.

14 – As I returned home, God showed me another companion who is fun.

15 –  A book finished, the turmoil confronted and will be, with the foundation of the next days laid.

16 – My original small group, the first community with God in mind; tonight, a memory of dinner was made.

17 – My desires are against God’s will as vacation proceeds;

18 – shall this continue to gon? Lord, help me to stop them, please.

19 – Now, I have realized that I have abandoned my fight and duty.

20 – And God reminded me again of the yokes that I have to carry.

21 – Even though it is still small, the Lord has my flame fanned.

22 – Flesh and sin; my greatest enemies who had my will bent.

23 – But my oldest companions God has used to restore my strength.

24 – This Christmas Eve, O, fill again my heart, Lord, and reign

25 – that I may count everything as loss and only my Lord, Jesus Christ, as gain.

26 – His wisdom and time shall come, as I realised that my feelings for her remained.

27 – How exhilarating it is, when the Lord raises the heat of my passion!

28 – A hard blow from the hand of the Lord is a warning full of discipline and compassion.

29 – Is my heart really passionate about the script?

30 – Pals from exactly a week ago, am I still your Friend?

31 – I fail again on the last day, as the new year begins to creep.

January 2016

1 – Another death rehearsal passed, but I still find myself stern.

2 – But the Lord Jesus Christ is just and merciful,

3 – for He has slowly pushed me back to the path I should walk.

4 – Do I still long for the hearth to burn?

5 – Has my camaraderie been reduced to something trivial?

6 – How can I flee from Your presence, Father?

7 – Again, I finish this holiday bad because I flee and hinder.

8 – Can I persevere to the end, when for me all is lost?

9 – As ICN starts its hecticness, I shall give all my best.

10 – Awake all night, with almost no energy for the new beginning.

11 – Behold, the Lord who grants grace sufficiently in His timing.

12 – O, the thrill of seeing the magnificence of His grace!

13 – This I boldly say, and will say again: He never stops to amaze.

14 – Lord, I long to be in Thy presence and never leave.

15 – Guide me that to my last stand beside Thee I shall live.

16 – Blessed is a boy who trusts the Lord in all he is,

17 – for the Lord will be his joy and salvation and truth; forevermore he shall feel God’s bliss.

18 – Forgive my transgressions, Lord, and do no take me from Thy path.

19 – For I have followed the prostitute, and old enemy, to her death.

20 – O, what a Friend and Lord I have in Jesus my Saviour!

21 – The Word reminds me again: my life is a vapour,

22 – and that’s why in God I shall find my true joy, even in my study.

23 – Father, is this truly my path, to continue the legacy?

24 – First exco meeting of the semester; follow Him to the end together, holding hands.

25 – And through these fetters, God shall grant me His deliverances.

26 – Faced with exciting futures, I shall wait for the Lord with patience.

27 – I shall not fear the obstacles, for He is with me to the end.

28 – Again I come to the Lord, knowing and admitting my rebellious nature.

29 – I give thanks to You, for again You remind me the meaning of Christ-likeness: to care for the people.

30 – How can I retreat when to serve children is to also serve the Lord?

31 – At the end of the month, a goal adds up to my resolve: attitude of mind.

February 2016

1 – Lord Jesus, teach me to walk in the way You walked.

2 – A wretched man I am, and how I surrender easily to sin!

3 – O, how sweet and steadfast is Your love as I taste and see it again!

4 – Instead of grumbling, I would trust in the plan of my God.

5 – Another Vigil done, a start to again return to Thee.

6 – When I am weak, I receive my strength from Your merciful presence.

7 – Restore me to Your path, Lord, when my ways are bent.

8 – What is the purpose of life? It is to glorify God by living up to His statute.

9 – I may write countless Christian sentences, but the Word of God is still the Bible.

10 – Consider those elder brothers who walk before me; did God let their paths to distort?

11 – Too many times I fall; have I really fled from the sin’s bind?

12 – Lord’s discipline is on me, as again I sit at His stalk.

13 – It is good to be afflicted by the Lord, that I repent from my sin.

14 – Repentance is to turn away from oneself, enabled by God, to the redemption work of Jesus our Lord.

15 – A mentor is like an elder brother; through him You teach me.

16 – Lord, another unexpected turning that You would surely lead me through.

17 – Give me true repentance, Father, that I may walk truthfully.

18 – A step to true repentance is being true,

19 – and to admit that He is not always your priority makes people repent humbly.

20 – Is the mind set against the flesh, or it yields instead?

21 – A thousand times I fail, and I plea for Your mercy, remained.

22 – Then it began: the dislike turns into hatred

23 – that consumes and kills oneself; to death I have yielded.

24 – A day for break as I recollect myself

25 – to prepare for the sabbatical weekend ahead.

26 – Into the future, should I surrender or delve?

27 – Reminded again of my core: broken, but blessed;

28 – Jesus Christ my Lord will surely accompany to the end.

29 – A day of rest as I prepare for the future.

March 2016

1 – A lesson learnt: leave your worry to God, and He will bring you to peaceful waters.

2 – Teach me and guide my weak heart, O Holy Spirit, that I may endure.

3 – Test my heart through Your pyre, Lord, again and again,

4 – for in my sufferings for You I find myself continually sanctified.

5 – The past is behind me, cross before me now, and adoption in eternity.

6 – To the realms unknown again; a battlefield where my end starts unwinding.

7 – Your Word brings me to life and empowers my prayer.

8 – Your life is not like others; it is steadfast and great.

9 – Drowned in the sea of fear as I realised my burdens

10 – but You lift me up again in the fellowship with brethren.

11 – To leave Your presence is not possible; where else could I go?

12 – Unexpected surprise as the Lord reveals things unknown.

13 – Did I really seek You to replenish my joy, Lord?

14 – The Lord is my refuge; I shan’t rely on myself.

15 – Only through Your sufferings I am justified

16 – and it is by your blood I receive the imputed purity.

17 – Sick of myself and its aptitude to sinning;

18 – reminded of Sabbath and the suffering my God has to bear.

19 – I offer myself, Lord, again, as a living sacrifice, for secured is my fate.

20 – Exhausted, yet did not find until now the peace of heavens.

21 – Let me seek You, O God, and have You in my life, always present!

22 – Revive not only the mind, but this dead body also,

23 – that in Your Spirit I may be born again, atoned.

24 – Your Word pierces me as I learn to wield Your sword.

25 – Perhaps, into a very little of Your suffering that today I delve.

26 – Silent I am, when I patiently wait for Your advent.

27 – Christ has risen from the dead, that we may be alive to Him.

28 – Exhausted I may be, but His strength I have been given.

29 – A lot are my obstacles, but in You I am living my dream.

30 – O, how easy I forget the privilege that You bestow!

31 – Show where my heart is set, Lord: above or below?

April 2016

1 – Teach me to be still in Your presence.

2 – Who am I, Lord, to be so loved and so blessed?

3 – Shepherd me across this field, that I may do Your works.

4 – Even when my sin is as red as crimson, You love me anyway.

5 – When Your cleared my path, I can see Your purposes completed, finished.

6 – Only in You do I find peace and refuge.

7 – Preserve me in You, Lord, that I may see the dawn of Your day.

8 – You have conquered sin and death; Your promises are better than life.

9 – You are Him who created everything; to Your words You are faithful.

10 – Wherever You call me to, I will obey.

11 – What is it that I am lacking, something to make me strive?

12 – Let not Your thoughts pass away my mind easily, that I may be fruitful.

13 – Shine me with Your light, as once again You show me day.

14 – One of His truths I cannot stop not pondering: giving over receiving.

15 – Searching for His guidances as the crossroads enclose.

16 – Amazed; is there an end to the blessings of the Lord?

17 – That moment you know your work pleases Him; a persistent feeling.

18 – But flesh always blocks and defeats; every time, lost.

19 – Behold, through the darkness His light comes forth!

20 – Fear of God is to fear the Father: run towards Him, not away.

21 – Will I see the end of this busyness, to see the light of day?

22 – Sinful, but graced; not worthy, yet given.

23 – Those who wait for the Lord shall find their ends, satisfied.

24 – Your glory revealed, day by day, by relating with You and Thy bestowed brethren.

25 – Make this ultimate and final joy everyday: to see You glorified.

26 – Touch my soul with my Thy hand, that I may be awed by Your wonder.

27 – It is better to seek for the Lord than His gifts,

28 – for in Him are joy and satisfaction nothing can compare.

29 – Refill me with Your joy, Your Spirit of peace.

30 – I shall embrace my identity again as one who walks Your path.

May 2016

1 – And what I have in front of me now I shall not neglect.

2 – A clarity of the mind as this chapter of life approaches its end.

3 – That moment you have to sit and wait is actually a good time to reflect.

4 – How I long to see Your kingdom come, when everything hidden shall be plain.

5 – Reminded again about my destination: to behold Your glory with Your present.

6 – One step closer to know myself, to reconcile my brokenness.

7 – Thy will be done, Lord, as You call me in ways I would have never guessed.

8 – Let exhaustion and uneasiness abated, this mortal life surrendered.

9 – A day to start reaccustomed back to writing and reading, undeterred.

10 – When the time of loneliness comes, I pray Your joy persists within.

11 – There will always be things unexpected, but Your grace are never withheld.

12 – I cannot see my depravity, but He works in things unseen.

13 – Make it a joy for me to see Your statutes in my life, upheld.

14 – The way of worship may be different, but glorifying God has to be the goal.

15 – The Holy Spirit is here; in Him I will rise when I fall!

16 – Even when I don’t understand Your path, I will trust in You.

17 – In waiting times I can still enjoy Thy presence; this I find to be true.

18 – The busyness resumes; how I long for the fellowship and peace of Christ!

19 – I worship You for Your fellowship and companion through everything.

20 – In the moments of fatigue, Your grace will suffice.

21 – For You are good, always, even in moments of uncertainty and suffering.

22 – At that one moment, He gave me a foretaste of home.

23 – That longing for home; I can never fully fathom.

24 – At moments seemingly boring, Your hands still work in me.

25 – Moments, be they little or big, are all created for His glory.

26 – Not even a single hair is worthy of Thy grace, yet here I am, grumbling.

27 – Returning to my second home in the world, tired.

28 – No matter how annoying they are, a family is still His blessing.

29 – Who I really am is Your blessings, not something I acquired.

30 – Seeing Your works abounding in my life is my greatest joy.

31 – This passion that You put inside me turns me back into a boy.

June 2016

1 – A new month always brings new things, both surprising and daunting.

2 – The roster is ready to materialize with a new dawning.

3 – A day to glorify and be happy in the Lord before a trip back.

4 – For the future, in present I must keep in track.

5 – Once again, confronted: what is “home”?

6 – As Your son, facing the unknowns is my burden, no matter how heavy.

7 – The days in You are always meaningful, even when not plated with chrome.

8 – When you really care for people, love feels like no burdenful duty.

9 – Let me glorify Your name through and in the things I write.

10 – Have I submitted fully my mind to Him, letting go my pride?

11 – What makes a day ordinary?

12 – Of what importance is leaving a legacy?

13 – All these questions I ask at times when God seems silent.

14 – Truly all things are for our good as Jesus has borne the punishment.

15 – Patience may be painful, but it is us who are slow to fathom His plan.

16 – Rays of the glory of the Lord pierce through this glen.

17 – True Friendship is not a camaraderie of nostalgia.

18 – Wisdom that relies on oneself will be broken by the King.

19 – Help me be the person You want, with effervescence and euphoria.

20 – Every godly effort shall be done with love as the ending.

21 – You don’t choose your neighbours, but you get to choose to love them or not.

22 – What matters is not how others look to you, but how you look to God.

23 – For our eyes are blind to things we think we know.

24 – And our home, the true end of Joy, is with the Lord, not here below.

25 – Earthly disciplines train for their best, but Christ’s train for His holiness.

26 – Ultimately, all these longings will be satisfied when the Perfect comes.

27 – In defiance and silence I have failed to trust in You.

28 – Help me to see and fight for the joy set before me, like You!

29 – You are truly the City of refuge as Your Spirit fills me.

30 – The sins set me back; O Lord help, this helpless me!

July 2016

1 – With a new month, here I am, Lord, trying to stand, resolute.

2 – In this second half, I am returning to my basics and surrender.

3 – True worshippers always worship the Lord wholeheartedly regardless the circumstances.

4 – If this world were home, I would not feel like a stranger.

5 – I will surrender to Him what are truly His; the vengeances.

6 – Joy in the Lord; to lose it means your soul is in danger.

7 – A holy life before the Lord is possible, if you die and Christ lives.

8 – In a childlike merriment, I am grateful for Your disciplines and forgiveness.

9 – This war I fight He has conquered, that my hope will not falter.

10 – O, when will You come to bring us the final victory, fully realized?

11 – I will ask myself in the future, “Why would I desire for the past to alter?”

12 – Your Spirit and joy heals me when sin and pride paralyze.

13 – The Lord has won the war so that I can rest in His victory.

14 – One thing that I always ask to You: that You always lead me in Your way.

15 – Our boasting in the Lord is to evade the misdirection of glory.

16 – May my all in all never lose sight of You, even in fray.

17 – Today, this restless soul found His joy and peace.

18 – But as the redemption of the body is still yet, I am always at war.

19 – The Lord’s timing is always perfect; His graces come and never miss.

20 – Reaching the final part of a hallway to knock at another door.

21 – The toughest battles are the Lord’s answer to they who seek to transform.

22 – A good fight brings you closer to Him, tapped with a question.

23 – Faith in the Lord empowers in every situation, especially the toughest storm.

24 – His grace empowers our joyous obedience beyond comprehension.

25 – You are my fortress and solitude when the anguish haunts.

26 – His thoughts and love shall fill my all-in-all, even when sin taunts.

27 – Exhaustion left me lazy and sloth, but in the Lord I find my rest.

28 – For He renews my spirit in His to go the quest.

29 – To obey the Lord means to have His thoughts govern my being.

30 – To find one’s vocation, he must enjoy the Lord in the process of digging.

31 – A family in the Lord fulfills and enhances the longing for Him more.

August 2016

1 – This stain will finally be cleansed, but I have to learn first about Christ.

2 – Bless the Lord, O my soul, He who bestow me victory cries!

3 – When this battle in my mind becomes unbearable, I turn to You.

4 – In many ways, the Lord is always there for you to turn to.

5 – Seek the Lord, then you will find your self and role in His kingdom.

6 – This prideful flesh may kill, but I will submit to His wisdom.

7 – The urge to speak has to be balanced with the urge to be still.

8 – In Your arms I find myself cured from this disease only You can heal.

9 – I ask again that same question: what is humility?

10 – Truly, You will not break a helpless soul who asks for Your mercy.

11 – Truly, Your works are amazing beyond description!

12 – Started again, the time I overexerted and succumbed to exhaustion.

13 – Your family is still your family, no matter what.

14 – A necessary spiritual check to see if I still follow God.

15 – Blessed be the name of the Lord, for He is good  and gracious!

16 – Coming to Your presences as a sinful, for I am not pious.

17 – Death is dead for those who believe in Christ and His person.

18 – Enjoying the Lord involves not listening to heart’s reason.

19 – For by Your own example do I find the reasons to serve.

20 – Gladness and sorrow are two sides of a coin, but the Lord always gives the best.

21 – How to be an authentic disciple of the Lord to whom all glory deserve?

22 – In this discouraging world, use me as Your tool to harvest.

23 – “Jefferson” can only exist if I surrender myself to Christ.

24 – Knock at Jesus’s door with repentant helplessness and your spirit will rise.

25 – Love is never limited to lovers only, but also brothers.

26 – Men think they cannot fall, but the righteous is caught by His hands.

27 – Nearing the end of a part of the journey, let nothing deters!

28 – Only this path in the Lord that makes sense.

29 – Plenty is the harvest, yet the workers are few.

30 – Questions and objections try to make me away from Your pew.

31 – Righteousness comes from the faith in Jesus as a new creation.

September 2016

1 – Sloth creeps and begins my destruction.

2 – The life of an ungodly is surely an abomination to the soul.

3 – Unless the grace of the Lord saved me, I would become a ghoul.

4 – Vanity and pride; are you still lurking there beneath the noble intent?

5 – Why do I yield under sin’s attacks? O God, help me make my stand!

6 – Xeric has my life been; it’s time to put a stop.

7 – Your Word refreshes my heart like the raindrop.

8 – Zagging through the course of life is how we live.

9 – On this Rock I stand, in the Lord whom I live.

10 – Mission may not be my vocation, but where He calls me to I must go.

11 – My responsibility I must bear, for the Lord is glorified and sovereign.

12 – A miraculous day as You glorify Your name and satisfy my heart also.

13 – You are the Lord who gives rest to weary and barren.

14 – Holy Spirit, remind me again about Your presence in my life!

15 – An eye-opener to the time that makes me blue.

16 – I keep these memories in pages of remembering to strive.

Our trinity gives us glimpses of Trinity, His revealed clue.

17 – With the welcoming youth ending today, where do we go from here?

18 – Humility means thinking more of others, His being our clue.

19 – Conversations with people make this weak heart stir.

20 – As lust ended a few months ago, so will sloth today.

21 – Little by little, until sloth dwells outside my bay.

22 – Bid my goodbye on that last ride with SCAENICAS, smiling.

23 – A quarter of my term ended with disciplining and learning.

24 – Truly, my inheritance is God, and God alone.

25 – Test every thought, for your emotions can mess up your mind so bad.

26 – I can feel Him living in me as slowly my sloth loses; O sloth, begone!

27 – Apart from Him, I am only a sinful, discouraged lad.

28 – If it is Your will, it surely will happen at Your time.

29 – To not believe in Him and enjoy Him are some biggest crime.

30 – What You have given me I shall use to glorify the Godhead three-in-one.

October 2016

1 – On this cornerstone I stand, in the Lord who has had every battle won.

2 – My inheritance is You, and You alone, Lord; I shan’t want other.

3 – Things I have and consider to accomplish, God will empower.

4 – His reminder amidst my sins: His kingdom is not (like) here.

5 – With a new sword in my arsenal, God helps me through this war.

6 – His authority, redemption, and sovereignty empower me hold Him dear.

7 – It does not matter if she is the one or not; what does is He is whom I am fighting for.

8 – Purpose, priority, ponder, and paralyze; lessons from Ephesians five.

9 – “Sin no more,” He said, “for my Spirit will give you self-control.”

10 – Greatest battles that happen in your mind will either give you death or life.

11 – The Spirit reminds, “To grow and be like Christ in all life’s aspects is the goal.”

12 – The days are evil, so let me walk carefully in Your light and wisdom!

13 – To whom has my allegiance been? The world or His kingdom?

14 – Love is eternal, stemming from the dance of the Trinity.

15 – How to love your neighbour? Center Christ and follow His example: empathy.

16 – How I long for that day when You come, when we see eye to eye!

17 – Like Daniel did in exile, let me seek You with all my heart

18 – With the end of the exco meeting, I can hear the trumpets sounding.

19 – Speak to my soul, O God, O Holy Spirit, that I may always be ready.

20 – Brought down low by the old flame again; why am I weak?

21 – I thank You, Lord, for the power to respond to Your Word.

22 – Your mission is beyond reason, I wonder at the glory of Your redemption.

23 – Help me to bear fruits, O Lord, that Your name I glorify.

24 – Casting my anxieties away, because my Lord Himself stays guard.

25 – When you stumble me into a wall, His Sword would create an opening.

26 – You may understand everything under the sun, yet still feel empty.

27 – Like those who walked before me, teach me to be meek!

28 – Reflecting on how to live like Christ has makes my heart stirred.

29 – A step at a time, forward, in the Lord’s guidance and direction.

30 – Sola Scriptura, the only written Word given to us is the Bible.

31 – At Your temple, in Your joy and peace I see myself tremble.

November 2016

1 – Your promises never fail us, for indeed our joy will be full.

2 – Five years have passed since I became Your son. Do I become more like You?

3 – I have tried my best, Lord, to understand about “worship in spirit and truth”.

4 – Truly, my mind can only work for Your glory if inspired by Your Spirit.

5 – A holy matrimony marks another exemplification of Christ and His church.

6 – Witnessing their baptism, how have I lived more?

7 – The final week began, yet why do I feel so weak and dull?

8 – Running out of time. Keep me from wasting my life, Lord!

9 – As God shines His light into my darkness, so this world’s be too.

10 – One last day as a nineteen, reminded again who this effervescent boy is: His child.

11 November 2016

By His grace I’m who I am.

May my eyes always set for You,

the Lord who searches my heart!

Name(less)

They say

your name defines you.

It anchors your identity

to a certain array of letters,

words of power and strength,

adjectives and nouns

that describe who you are.

But, not so rare do we find

those who bear the titles

abandoning this precious gift.

They’d say,

“Someone else imposed it

on us. The nut does not forget

its skin, because it’s never

a nut in the first place.”

And they take up a name

they think is more fitting.

In the end, they are all just

hypocrites, because they never

appreciate the privilege

of being awarded something

their souls can

rightfully claim,

“Mine.”

Me?
I don’t have a name

from the start.

My parents did not even

have a chance to give me one

because they have long

been gone to the realm

across this plane.

How do I call

myself then?

“Me.”

I have never known

other ways to.

For sure, I’m not a nut,

because I don’t have a shell.

I have never

been the same.

Lack of name allows me

to become anyone else,

someone else,

because I can take

up any identities

and assume them.

For I am a vessel,

empty initially,

but I have grown

to be able to contain

anything filled into.

It is my gift;

what I have,

but others don’t.

I realized

to waste this ability

would be a shame.

Epiphany hit me like

an apple falling from a tree:

I can go beyond being

“someone”.

I can become

something else

this world has

never seen before,

beyond what people

are capable of,

beyond the limits

of human logic

and emotions,

something incorruptible

and everlasting:

a symbol.

“Me”

will still live on

to keep that symbol checked,

but people will no longer

remember him.

In his stead,

when they look at me,

certain feelings will creep.

I shall be like heights

to those who prefer to

stay on the ground,

like a rose to people

with good olfactories,

like a mirror that reflects

the light of the sun.

They can call me anything,

and so can you.

I may have different epithets:

a beacon of hope,

a watchful guardian,

a phantom in the night,

a knight of dawn.

But I can’t really care,

for I know who I am.

No Longer A Mystery

For this I never stop being grateful: that when I am full of doubts and worry, you

never stop reminding me about your unyielding commitment and love. Ever since

your courageous act to fight against all despair, I know that you have invoked what

the disaster had buried under the rubbles: hope. And not only that. To my surprise,

when our eyes locked a feeling I had never felt before also woke; that warmth and

bliss only those who have ever fallen in love would understand. It was a mystery

that I seeked to solve with you. But then, the gods brought us apart. You were

chosen as the heir that people grew to adore and believe in. And this girl,

inspired by your action, served at the temple. Who knows that we

would ever meet again? Yet, there you are, speaking the

words of your unfaltering oaths. Once again, those

doubts inside me are cleared.

Now, love’s

no longer a

mystery, for

I’ve learned

its meaning

and its worth

from all those

times we spend together.

Now, with the course of stars set

for both of us, I pray that love stays with us forever.

P. S. “Blade and Chalice” serves as an imaginary dialogue between the two lovers in Nirwata, Jayaprana and Layonsari. The blade represents Jayaprana’s promise to always convince Layonsari about his love for her. The plus sign signifies the first moment they met, that defining encounter that brought them together. Here, in the last part, Layonsari replied to Jayaprana’s promise. I chose blade and chalice because they are ancient symbols of manhood and womanhood.

Doubts and Oaths

Note: This is my first writing after Nirwata – my longest and grandest work so far – concluded and was performed about three weeks ago. I submitted this – experimental, personally, as this is my first – poetry to my creative writing class to be reviewed in the workshop, and I was glad that it was received well. At first, I wrote it as a common poem, continuing from an unfinished draft I had written a few months ago. After several lines, I realized that the spacing and line breaks could make a recognizable shape if I put more effort into it. So, I did, and came up with this form.  Enjoy the poem, and tell me if you have an interesting interpretation about it!

I

could

not stop

wondering

if your doubt

and hesitation

will ever cease

to be. Moreover

mine, for truly I

am only a youth

who’s imperfect,

whose words are

shaky as they can

be. It’s impossible

for them to stand  tall and stay

guard forever. But, let me utter my oaths

again, countless time if I have to, until your

doubt is

once

again

cleared.

P. S. This is the first of the three in a series I call “Blade and Chalice”. Stay tuned to see what these poems really form.

The One Road to Home

A  reflection, a contemplation. Writ 27th March 2016.


Home; I was not there.
Nights had gone silent,
days had been dark, and
the world was ignorant
for souls who did not fit.

Home; I was not welcomed.
The entrance had been shut,
the gatekeepers were proud, and
the servants served themselves
as if the Master had not lived there.

Home; I stumbled and crashed.
“Why do we keep falling on
this road we walk?”
My friends had abandoned me;
I was offered to despondency.

Home; He opens my eyes.
The Living Word finds me
and brings the dead back to life.
Filled with His Spirit,
I return to the race.

Home; I begin my pilgrimage.
The Light that was surrounded
by the consuming void of gloom
shines its warmth, at first faint,
and gives me hope again.

Home; here is never mine.
How foolish and vain to
search our end on this plane,
for everything is only a shadow
of the things yet to come.

Home; I will arrive there.
He who has saved me
will not let go, not even once.
Of His steadfastness I will sing,
in His presence I shall be;
with my adelphoi, my Friends,
around the table of the King.


An Offering of A Whole Heart

A poem; a prayer; a reflection. The third Moonlight rhyme. Writ 20/10/2015.


For you, who have since

driven me to His presence,

that He may purify my desires

and guard my heart from sins;

see how I have gone through hard,

and listen to the words of my heart.

Why are you still there in my mind

was an inquiry I had had since then.

Before the Lord had I knelt on my knees;

mustering up courage, I asked Him of ’tis,

“Is she the one whom for me You choose

or, like all creations, from me also to pass?”

It had been preceded by a statement

that stemmed from my rash frustration,

“If only You exclude me this weight to bear

that I do not have to suffer!”

Then, my predecessors gave me wisdom,

for from our Lord they had received them:

For it is written, for one to be a living sacrifice,

he ought to learn to put in Christ his trust,

surrendering and offering all things,

including those one holds dear most,

and those seemingly to be of all silliest,

that he may be privileged to suffer in big things;

for the eventual reward is His true riches.

For what could we offer to the Lord

if we had nothing in our hold?

The truth woke me up to my senses.

Although inexplicably painful it is,

to grapple with God with all my best

and offer Him back all the matters

with which He had me blessed

is the only way to receive the answers.

For this is the meaning of bearing the cross:

to deny myself from every worldly desire

and turn away from what the worlds offer;

to die every day, that Christ may live in me,

and in every little step I have faith in Thee,

to finally gain the All-Satisfying Trinity

and receive His joy and glory.

Come directly not the answer,

for the Lord works in mysterious ways;

to discern one must patiently gaze in wonder,

and walk closely to His Word and statures.

As I walk with Thee and seek Your answer,

give me Thy joy, that I may persevere

through this path and glorify Lord the Highest,

for no good thing God ever withholds

from those who walk uprightly.

“The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: 

thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever:

forsake not the works of thine own hands.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭138:8‬